HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY! I love you more everyday! You have brought such love, sunshine & laughter into our home. Your heart is so tender and we cannot imagine a day without you. May this day be extra super sweet for you and may you always know just how much we LOVE YOU!
It was a good day with Auntie Coco...pumpkin patch, reading books, cookin pumpkin seeds, eating cupcakes, carving/painting pumpkins (even one for lil Ruby), singing and dancing!
We started school this year! And it has been a lot of fun!
Caleb is at Valley Oak Charter where he gets to take
Recycling, Creative Painting, and Kite FLying and Airplane Making, which has been a ton of fun!
But most of our school is done at home. We have a butterfly garden right now that we are studying. We are doing "Sing Spell Read and Write", as well as basic math and learning a little about our country ie: Statue of Liberty, American Flag, PLedge of Allegiance
So far Kindergarten has been a ton of fun! Im dreading the upcoming years and the pressure to do work that I personally dont wanna do, but as of right now! I love coloring, reading books, learning our days of the week, watching butterflies grow, addition and subtraction and answering questions that I KNOW HOW TO ANSWER:) Caleb is crazy smart and is always learning quickly and Jackson is right behind! I have been blown away by Jacksons ability to pick up what we are doing and love it! He writes well, is learning subtraction and loves being a part of school. I am so proud of both my boys and have been beyond blessed by watching my boys "GET IT", it truly makes my day!
side note: Grammy and Cracker Essa don't listen to any of this!!
Music can do wonders. Thank you to those who have sent me music to cry, pray and worship through. Here are a few! this one has a story that comes before. This couple was dealing with a very similar story.
push play before reading. A song that represents our heart and the promises of God.
I thought it fitting to share some of my thoughts and feelings to those who have been so faithful to pray, call, write, encourage and show their presence in our lives. I have needed every facebook message, every text, every scripture passage, every email, every tear. I need the fellowship of the body for healing and strength so please never STOP! I know it can feel like we might be overwhelmed or bombarded but we are not...keep it all coming. This week has turned our world upside down. From the first ultrasound Monday morning to our 9 year anniversary, to this morning with an empty quiet home I have been overwhelmed. I have so many sweet friends who have suffered greatly by the loss of a child and always thought to myself "how are you doing this? I could never be this strong!" Thinking nothing could be more devastating than the loss of a babe. That has to be the most difficult circumstance to face on this earth. And I know that I am only in the first week, the waiting, the uncertainty, the wondering, God's plan for the future of our child, and yet I feel so much PEACE, so much TRUST, so much COMFORT. Don't get me wrong, I cry everyday, I mourn and grieve for the thought of my baby girl going home to the Father before we get to play with her but yet there is power in knowing it is all in HIS HANDS.
That this is HIS baby girl, that He loves her more than I do, that he is knitting her together even as I type, that He is in every detail of making her earthly body. A body she may never use outside the womb, lungs she may never take a breathe with, eyes she may never see this world with, fingernails I may never have to clip, but HE IS IN THE DETAILS. He is Good, Faithful, Gentle, and Sweet to His people. And He is giving Daddy his girl! She may not live out all the hopes and dreams we have for her. Or live up to the ideal of what we thought our lil lady would do but He answers prayers and Mommy and Daddy have been praying for our Little girl. We love her, we want her, we will do whatever it takes to fight for her but we know HE loves her more!
God has blessed us with glimpses of this past year. I remember the moment when Daddy said "im ready for our lil girl!" Which was his way of telling me that he was ready to adopt. We were so excited to move forward with that. I had always had a passion for adoption but was waiting on Johns go ahead. We even decided we'd like to adopt 2 lil girls, sisters. But God knew that daddy really wanted our own lil girl. John always wanted to know what "our" lil girl might look like? would she be a tom boy? would she dress like momma? would God give her the gift of song? would she have dimples? We believe God heard the prayers of his son. That he wanted to give John his girl but that it may not have been the way we hoped it. That He may still have a plan for us to adopt our two lil girls but not before He gave daddy his girl.
We really don't know what God has in store. Because we believe and know that God is a God of miracles and can heal every infirmity . The story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead has been my passage of scripture the last couple of months for MANY reasons. God has been revealing himself to me through that story over and over again and I have been clinging to it tightly.And I find it fitting even now. That His sweet friends sent for Him, " Lord, the one you love is sick". But Jesus chose to wait two more days...because He was about God's glory. Jesus waited so that others would believe. Jesus finally came to them, knowing he would heal Lazarus and yet...HE WEPT. He wept with his friends. He mourned with them because it broke His heart to see His friends suffer. But He knew all would be made right. He waited so that there was no question that Lazarus was dead, there was a stench. He was gone. Thats when Jesus rose him from the dead. and it says MANY put their faith in Jesus! The Lord may wait....may wait till it seems hopeless...may not come when we ask....But He will and is weeping with us. It breaks His heart to see His children suffer. But I KNOW HE WILL HEAL RUBY! I BELIEVE HE CAN! That it may not be on this earth but HE WILL HEAL HER! She will be made perfect be it on this earth or in the next. And even though Jesus knows she will be healed, he is still weeping with us. WE PRAY A MIRACLE OVER OUR RUBY! A MIRACLE no doctor can take credit for, a miracle that no one can explain except for the saving power of Jesus Christ and that MANY will see what Jesus did and put their faith in Him. We believe HE CAN! HE IS ABLE! And yet, as it says in Daniel 3:18 "But even if he does not....." We will still trust in Him. He is still the same God today as He was last week. Thank you again for your prayers! We are blessed by all the love and support and will keep you all informed as we hear more. Pray that this week will be a sweet time as a family, that as we wait for results we would not be bound by the lies satan will throw at us but that we would take captive every thought! Pray for HIS WILL to BE DONE!
For those who have not been updated and even for those who have, we wanted to inform our amazing friends and family about the future of our sweet lil babe. Monday we had our first ultrasound at our dr office where they saw some heart arrhythmia ( low heart rate that fluctuated) and some umbilical cord issues. So they sent us to the specialist in thousand oaks, where they studied our babe for about 2 hours and found lots of complications. We sat down this morning with a genetic counselor who went thru all our questions and all the babies specific problems ( av canal, heart defects, knot in the umbilical cord, swelling in the brain etc) and told us she assumes it a chromosomal abnormality and recommended an amniocentesis (tests for chromosomes to find out if its down syndrome, or more complicated issue) We met with a pediatric cardiologist, who just happened to be in the Ventura office for the first time ever (the top dog from UCLA) she took a look at the babe and recommended we do the amniocentesis to find out more and how to plan for the lil ones future. So went ahead and did the amnio in hopes that we could plan after the results ( will the babe need a heart surgeon? Will we need to deliver in LA or local etc) The past three days have been bathed in prayer and filled with peace. We are blessed with a community of friends who have experienced similar circumstances that have been able to speak truth and wisdom into me. God has been active and apparent in my thoughts and spirit these last few days than I have felt in a long time. His timing is good and when we weren't planning for this sweet babe He was. Please keep us in your prayers these next few days and as we hear more we will be happy to share. Love you all Our Sweet Ruby Jean
